Today, Im talking about a topic that everyone is familiar about but, very rarely, does anyone know how to manage. I cant count how many times I hear people complaining about the relationships theyre in, why they cant find a good one or just questions in general about relationships. Im here to clarify something that has dissolved in our society when it comes to relationships. I call thiscommon sense. If I were to ask any one of you right now what it takes to have a successful relationship, I will hear the same thing that Ive heard a million times: trust, communication, love, etc. If you guys are giving me these answers, why arent you putting them into practice? I do want to touch on these common sense issues, but I want to venture deeper and see where the core of the relationship is. These basics are just the outer layer.
Ok, so, lets go over these common sense issues one by one. First, theres trust. Everyone knows that as hard as this may be, its a necessity. The problem with some of us is that weve cheated in the past and our insecurity follows us from relationship to relationship and we think that our partner is going to do the same thing we did. We need to get over it, suck it up and TRUST! If you dont trust your partner, youre just going to be killing yourself mentally and destroying the relationship while youre at it. If you see a reason to not trust your partner, talk about it. This leads me to my next common sense issue: communication.
Most of us let our pride get the best of us and that prevents us from being an asset in a relationship. We have to learn to talk about things with our partner. It can be about an argument you guys had, about something on your mind or about anything, really. Just let them know that you are a person with opinions and that you want to be heard (Im not saying to yell at them).
Another one that Ive heard is love. I can write a whole other post just on love. Theres so much to it, that I cant possibly fit it all in one paragraph. I understand, and agree, that love is needed in a relationship, BUT, and thats a big BUT (no pun intended), its is something that you must nurture. Love at first sight doesnt exist; Lust at first sight does. I learned this the hard way, because I was one to fall for someone relatively quickly. I learned along the way that I was loving someone I didnt know; I was in love with a stranger. Just let it happen, because love happens all by itself.
Now that Im done with the basics, let me get into what I think the core parts of a relationship are. First, I have to say that listening is one core strength to a relationship. We can all talk, yell or whatever at our partner, but if theyre not listening, what good are we doing? We have to know that its not always opening our mouths that will solve the problem but, also, opening our ears. We underestimate how useful our ears really are in a relationship. Theres not too much to say on this one. Basically, just listen to your partner and suck up your pride. You dont HAVE to have the last word.
This one is one that everyone recognizes but seems to go unnoticed. Im talking about compromise. Going into a relationship, you have to understand that no relationship is perfect and if no relationship is perfect, yours is not an exception. Another thing you have to understand is that this relationship is not 50/50; Its 100/100. Both of you must put your everything into it to make it work. What I mean by this is that the relationship is NOT all about you and you being happy. Its about both of you being happy and making it work together. Now, after you understand that youre going into an imperfect relationship and that you have to put 100% effort into it, then, and only then, can you work on compromise. You have to make sure to even out the pros and cons when compromising too. Im not saying to compromise and let your partner win. Im saying, you both should be content with whatever medium you both come to. If compromise isnt a core factor in your relationship, whether its you or your partner that doesnt compromise, expect it to spiral down and crash.